You Might Be a Parent . .

The Top Ten Ways to Tell If Your Parent (Because we assumed you needed help figuring that out)

10. If you do this to your child for fun . . .

Then you might be a parent.

9.  If you have to avoid social activities such as game nights with other couples, any movie that’s not a matinee, or bingo night at the local old folks home so that you can keep your baby on a strict sleep schedule . . . then you might be a parent.

8.  If the amount of toys in your house (approximately 170 million) outnumbers the amount of shoes in your wife’s closet (roughly 150 million) . . . then you might be a parent.

7.  If you can identify pureed fruits and vegetables by smell . . . then you might be a parent.

6.  If your last purchase was Butt Paste . . . then you might be a parent (Or you might need to see a doctor).

5.  If you find dirty diapers under furniture, in toy boxes, and in the pantry . . . then you might be a parent.

4.  If your spouse catches you doing interpretive dances to Disney songs . . . then you might be a parent.

3.  If you catch yourself whistling Wiggles’ songs , or secretly have violent daydreams involving them, Dora, and the entire cast of Clubhouse Disney. . . then you might be a parent.

2.  If you have vicarious conversations with your spouse through your child . . .

kmac: “Bost, say, ‘Daddy, did you remember to switch over the laundry like Mommy asked you to three times already?’”

jmac:  “Bost, say, ‘Nope, Mommy, Daddy’ll do it right after this game.  There’s only thirty seconds left.’”

Then you might be a parent.

1.  If you have a baby that looks like this . . .

Then you must be one lucky parent.

- jmac