The great stone dragon.

[summer '13, montana]

Yo yo. What's crackin'?

So, let's just get right down to it and talk about the unexpected events of our Christmas break. It was a great break, but we also had some, well, pretty crappy moments. Jord is in an intense graduate program, so he was looking forward to his break with a fervent desire and hope for all things football and chips 'n salsa. He couldn't wait for a minute to just relax, watch some football, hang out with us, and did I mention watch football? Just checking.

So he worked his butt off in school, aced his classes for the semester (but seriously. Like straight A's. I love this man), and geared up for some good, old fashioned relaxation.

And then. The day after his break started, he woke up at 5 in the morning in the worst back pain ever. He was pacing and jogging and jumping up and down, but nothing was giving him any relief. So I said (in my groggy 5 am wisdom), "Uh, babe? I'm 99 percent sure you have a kidney stone. Let's go to the ER." And being the anti-doctor-anti-modern medicine person that he is, he said to me in all seriousness (in the middle of writhing on the floor and slamming his body against a wall),

"No, no, I'm fine. I'll just walk it off."

Uh, really? I don't think so. That's basically like a woman saying she's just going to "walk off" labor. Uhhhhhh NOPE. Ain't gonna happen!! So I forced him into the car, bundled up our babies in the wee morning hours, and off we went.

And whaddaya' know, it was a kidney stone. A massive one at that (regular stones are 1-2 mm...his was a 6! Woof.). And instead of taking it out immediately, you know, like we wanted them to, they decided to wait and see if anything happened "on its own." So, we waited. .

And waited. And waited. FOR THREE WEEKS. And in the process of waiting, we affectionately dubbed the kidney stone "The great stone dragon"....you know the one. (Mulan, guys! What.You don't watch it seven times a day like we do?) Poor Jord was in so much pain, and his break wasn't quite as relaxing as we had hoped. But he was SUCH a good sport. Let's just take a second and talk about the difference between us in this regard. When Jord is in, like, excruciating pain, he barely makes it known. But when I have the slightest ailment...say a hang nail... I'm all up in everybody's business telling them how crappy I feel. It's a thing. I really need to work on it. Ha!

So back to the stone. Or GSD. Or Stony, as I sometimes call him. Finally, the doctors were like, "Uh, ya. Your probably right. It's pretty stuck. Let's get this bad boy out!"

So they knocked him out, and they did the surgery. When they let me back to see him, I was a little bit shocked at how loopy he was. He was SO out of it...he was popping out some pretty hilarious comments. I was trying to be sympathetic because he was in so much pain, but you guys. When he's saying things like "Nice booooooobs" you just can't help but die a little bit. You know?? Bah ha.

And so now, here we are. Enjoying our last little bit of break, without good old Stony. Oh, Stony, how we won't miss you. And hopefully you never return again. Because apparently that happens? So not fun.

But you know what I will miss?

Jord on drugs. Because that was stinking hilarious.


  1. Tell Jord that I sympathize. I had a kidney stone during Christmas break of 2008, and it never passed so they had to surgically blast it, too. IT HURT LIKE H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS! Also, I love that he said "nice booobs" -- that's just hilarious.

  2. I'm kinda bummed that when Chuck woke up from his nose surgery he wasn't as loopy. . . because that sounds awesome! I would have definitely filmed it for future posterity, however, so his shame would have been never ending. :) I'm glad he's able to have a tiny bit of "normal" break to relax!